Demystifying Postpartum Depression
Rowana and Josiah, 3 months postpartum.
I promised myself that I would not have postpartum depression this time, as if that’s a thing you can promise yourself. The truth is, it’s beyond our control. No person who ever experienced a mental health challenge could control it, or we would choose not to. Your body has experienced a great shift, a great disturbance. Something as beautiful and miraculous as childbirth is a big change for a woman to go through. The hormonal shift alone is enough to knock the wind out of you. The factor in the sleepless nights, the pain of recovery from childbirth, and the isolation in this new postpartum cocoon that takes months if not years to get out of. I’ve heard of the postpartum months referred to as the 4th trimester, and I like that because it gives the postpartum period the respect it deserves as a part of pregnancy. There is still active healing happening and active changes in the body.
A lot of my experience comes through understanding myself and what I feel like, what I sound like, and what being my healthiest self is like through my mind, body, and soul. Until you understand that, the battle with depression of any kind is going to be challenging. This is why so many people begin a spiritual journey because they wish to know themselves as God knows them, which is love at its purest. As humans, especially living in this day and society, it’s difficult for us to love ourselves completely because of all of the ingrained messages that we are bombarded with daily. Not to mention the stories that we tell about ourselves, true or untrue, which guide our decisions and priorities.
I find myself at this intersection as the question floats above my head, “Is this postpartum depression?”
One sign of depression to me is the willingness to withdraw from other people. I experience this as being easily irritated, unwilling to communicate, angry at everyone, and feeling hurt. Thinking less of myself when I really should be loving on myself extra in this postpartum period. I’ve been there, and that’s where I currently live. Some people might ask why they haven’t heard from me. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you, it’s more like, I don’t have the capacity right now. I won’t lie, going from a mom of 1 to 2 has been difficult. There’s a lot of adjusting and improvising, there’s a lot of learning, tantrums, and tears. For me, there’s exhaustion. There are late nights and early mornings. I’m keeping up with everyone, I’m checking in on everyone, and I have a community online that I hope to nourish as well as my family and friends. I’m grateful for it all, but sometimes I just want to hide away, fade away from the public eye.
I go through the depression checklist that I know by heart by now in my head.
loss of interest in activities
Harsh self-talk
High anxiety
Self-isolation
Hopelessness
Irritability… the list goes on.
The answer is, most likely, but you should probably go see a therapist to confirm.
Most likely, yes, but you’re also exhausted, you’re also overwhelmed, sensory overload is your daily life, and you’re also stressed trying to make ends meet as you carry the hope of a better future, and sometimes that feels heavy.
Being aware is so much better than walking alone in the dark.
How I Cope with Postpartum Depression
Develop a self-care plan. What will you do, who will you contact if you feel like you’re in crisis? What do you need to do consistently to improve your mental health?
Get a doula to keep you accountable. This time when I was pregnant, I decided to seek a doula to help guide me through the process of birth and pregnancy. It was an amazing experience and it’s nice to have a person who is looking out for you and your well-being.
Try therapy if it feels right. Having someone to talk to through the ups and downs is essential. If you can find a therapist who will listen and support you, I say go for it!
Find community support. I know this is easier said than done. They always say it takes a village to raise a child, but sometimes it feels like the village just isn’t there. This is where intentionally reaching out to friends and loved ones comes into play. It might be uncomfortable to ask for help, but it’s essential. Join a mom group! Even if you can’t meet in person, you can meet up virtually with other moms like you to talk.
Minimize Stress. One issue that many pregnant women struggle with is putting down the hero cape and allowing rest and replenishment. Many women wish they spent longer on maternity leave, but it’s not always something you can help. Just remember, it’s okay to say no to things if you’re feeling overwhelmed
